April Fools...

As one of my favorite IF websites, www.999reasonstolaugh.com, recently pointed out: Pretending to be knocked up as an April Fool's joke AIN'T FUNNY!

I have noticed that several of my cyber friends have posted on their FB pages that they did this today. Wow, how very original. Bravo to you.

And yes, before you even ask, I am being kind of snarky about this. It's my party and I'll cry if I want to. I'm sure that if I had children, had not struggled with this IF, or simply didn't have feelings, I wouldn't mind so much.

Maybe I'll just stay off of FB today...

I can't believe this...

I actually called my Dr today to see if there was a way to bring on my AF early! I know! Me!

Here's the reason: I'm going on a cruise. Yep, I'm being selfish. Because of how wacky last month's cycle was, my AF is scheduled to show up the day we leave for the boat. That is the LAST thing that I want! Aside from the obvious discomfort & extra packing that would create, I don't want to be shark bait! The can smell a drop of blood for miles! NO WAY!!!

The good news is that my Dr office shared my good sense. However, instead of bringing it on early, we're going to delay it with Progesterone. Now, by delaying it for over a week, it's going to mean that next cycle is going to be squirrely... This is gonna be fun... Not!

Ah, the things we do with out bodies... Because IF ain't enough, we have to find new ways to torture ourselves...

Ha frickin' HA!

The universe has one hell of a sense of humor. On the same day that I find out that yet ANOTHER one of my friends is pregnant (a friend whose husband didn't even want kids), I get an email from a company that I have done market research for in the past. What's wrong with that you ask? Well the research this time was for BIRTH CONTROL! Yep, that's right, send the woman who can't get pregnant, who has a barren womb, a study about using a drug to NOT have a baby... Some times you just have to laugh at how ludicrous it all is. If you don't laugh, you'll just go insane (or end up with pirate liver)...

Our 100th Episode!

Not really. But this will be my 100th cycle without getting pregnant. I just love even numbers... NOT!

So because this really ISN'T a positive thing, I'm going to make it into something that is. I'm going to make myself get out and walk for over 100 minutes this weekend. I'm going to use that time to clear my head. That way I can face this next cycle with a fresh new start. Any one want to join me? It won't be hard, but it WILL be good for you!

Snow White and her 7 negative pee sticks...

Every month it's the same. We just can't wait to see if our period is actually late. We have no patience. We just have to know NOW! So what do we do? Come on ladies, you all know... We begin peeing on a stick. We start only a week after ovulation. We know it's not going to show up that fast, yet we torture ourselves anyway. It's a sick little game that we just can't stop. And now, if you'll excuse me... I need to pee... 

Staring is rude!

So as it turns out, staring at your fertility chart will not make you pregnant. It will however, make your eyes cross. It always seems like the months that you have the weirdest symptoms or cycle we stare the most. Why do we do this to ourselves? Who knows... Ok, I'm off to go stare some more... 

No coffee? Srsly?

Yep, no coffee. Today is day one. It's going to suck. There have been countless studies showing the negative effects of coffee & caffeine in general on the female body. It makes us retain water, screws with our hormones, and it's just plain bad! Of course as I say all of this, I'm thinking "but I like it so much!" Why, knowing all of those cons? Because I'm addicted! Damn it!!! Ok, now that I've got that out... Wish me luck ya'll!!!

What a month...

So with it's ups & downs, I feel this month was a bust. A lot has changed in my life this month though. It's not a bad thing, just time for some changes. Diet, back to exercising, taking some new stuff, just basics. I think the biggest change has been my outlook & attitude. I'm trying to see everything in a positive light. I think in the long run this is going to be the best building block.

Just greeeaaaattttt...

So, because having a completely barren womb isn't bad enough... Now it's gone all wonky on me. And to top it off, for the first time in 10 yrs, my much loved Va-jay-jay doc is no longer in network. They say that all things happen for a reason. I'm hoping that there is a reason why I now have to find a new doc...

Lbs...

Weight loss sucks. It's not fun. It's not easy. It IS however, worth it. I won't lie, I've been lazy. Over the past 12 years I've gained over 60lbs. It has taken me this long to gain it all, but I'll be damned if it's going to take me that long to get it off! I'm down 6lbs as of this morning. I know that may not seem like much, but it's 10% of my goal... Not too bad for the first 2wks... Not too bad...

How much is that puppy in the window?

The average person has no clue how much infertility can cost. They don't know that so many couples will never know the joy of being a parent due to the prohibitive cost. I'm not talking about just medical procedures. Adoption is so far out of reach, that it's impossible to comprehend. After battling this for almost 9 years now, I am fully aware of the costs. Thankfully, we are FINALLY getting to a point financially that we can begin to afford some of the less expensive procedures. And while this gives me a renewed sense hope, it makes me sad for those who will not be able to afford even the basic chances to be parents. Our country will pay for so many other programs, why not a program for Infertility? Why not? It makes you think, doesn't it... Why all the welfare programs, public housing, and others along those same lines? Why not one for those of us who simply want a chance to build a family?

Day 1...

So I've decided to start this thing up again. Here we go again :0)

I've started taking some really good quality vitamins, got back into my work out routine, and have started tracking my cycles again.

It's a new beginning. I still have hope. I will never lose that...