Smiling through it all...

I’m going to put a warning on this entry. I’m feeling pretty emotional.

 

I know we have all been there. If it weren’t IF, it may have been something else. We have all had a point in our lives where we have had to put our smiles on and not let the world see just how much pain we are going through.

 

I have a co-worker who is quite the character. And that’s putting it nicely. She is in the cubicle directly next to mine. Our office is very quiet, so I can hear every phone conversation. In the past 6 months she has decided to become a Foster Parent. I know for a fact that she is only doing this for the money she will get. She has no problem telling everyone in the office how she is getting a foster kid. She has everyone fooled, but I know the truth. I can hear her when she is talking to her friends on the phone. Now, I’m sure it sounds as though I’m simply being bitter and hateful (and maybe I am) but this hits way too close for me. She knows we have been trying to have children. She has even had the balls to come over to my desk and start in with the “you should try to Foster! you get money for it an everything!” Do any of you know how many muscles it takes not to stab her in the face? I do… A LOT! And of course her timing couldn’t have been any worse. My DH and I have been talking for the past year about adoption, and here she comes making a complete farce of the entire process. I know that logically she didn’t set out to steal my thunder, so to speak. But tell that to my heart. Now I feel that if we do begin the process, everyone in my small (gossipy) office will simply think I’m doing it because she did!

 

I HATE INFERTILITY! I hate that I have these feelings. I hate that life can’t just be simple! FOR ONCE!